Wednesday, 27 February 2013
And for just a second, I forgot. I forgot that you didn’t love me anymore, I forgot that you had left a long time ago. For a perfect second, I forgot.
And we know it’s never simple, never easy.
I think that if you had stayed things would have been different. But you didn't, & I think that's the point. Not everyone stays because they're not supposed to. If everyone stayed you'd learn to depend on them, when you really need to depend on yourself.
How come the only way to know how high you get me is to see how far I fall? God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me, but I can't break through at all.
It's hard to wait around for something you know won't happen, but it's even harder to stop waiting when you know it's everything you want
Love won't set you free
Get me out of this town; somewhere far away, somewhere far above.
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
Monday, 18 February 2013
time never really never slows down, we just want more and it feels like time is slow , but eventually you realize time flies by so fast. so fast, you'll want time to go by slow.
I missed you, wait I still do, guess I could really never stop loving you.
I put my iPod on shuffle and here's what I got for lyricss
dreams come slow but they go so fast
Only know you've been high when you feelin low
same old empty feelin in your heart cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Cause I saw the end before we begun
I want you to stay
the reason I hold on
Is I need this hole gone
funny you're the broken one but I'm the one who needed saving
and being caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes cause when you showed me myself you know I became someone else
You took my hand you showed me how, you promised me you'd be around
I took your words and I believed on everything you said to me
I know better because you said forever,
I wish I could touch you again I wish I could still call you friend I'd give anything
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
I'm trapped with the hope that we will be together again.
It's still there, you know?
I can be totally happy and still have that
part of my mind wondering how much
better it would be if you were here.
I don't think that's ever really going to change .
You're gonna lose people in your life & Realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how much you appreciate them and told them so, it will never seem like enough.
I guess I have come to see that I am really scared of what will happen when it all goes away.
It's frightening when things you love appear suddenly changed from what you have always known.
When you start to see people change, you start to wonder if they were like this in the beginning, and if you just never noticed it. But don't forget that you once loved who they were before. Don't take it out on them for changing because nobody stays the same. We all grow, and we all change.
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Do we ever really get used to the pain?
Or does it just fade away until it lingers in parts of our brain we don't use consciously
The hardest part of letting go is realizing the other person already has.
I remember how we used to talk about the places we would go when we were off, and all that we were gonna find. And I remember our seeds grow, and how you cried when you saw the first leaves show. The love was pouring from your eyes
I guess things were easier when you told me you'd do anything for me,
before I asked anything of you..
Can someone do me a favor and STOP TIME.
Can someone answer my cry for help basically, i want my life to just stop so i can have a second to breathe in all this shit.
I have no diary so i decided to start blogging.. once again
I've come to realize 2012 is actually coming to an end. And 2013 leads to challenges, and changes in which i have to step up and grow up. I have to graduate. If i can tell you one secret world, it's that all I wanted for Christmas was to go back another 5 years, i'm not ready to grow up or move out or move on. My life is here in this small town. I don't know why i'm suddenly scared or living in fear full of anxiety. I dreamed for this day since grade 9..
Maybe it's because i madly fell in love with someone out here.. he moved away but this is where it started, every where i look is memories. Sad thing is we never dated. 3 years of stringing me along.
Now i have to just wake up and accept the fact that on Christmas day i have to find out he's having a baby with another girl... and i'll never get to be with him.
Or that this year i lost my bestfriend.. and we're going to be complete strangers in the same graduating class.
I have to lose my other best friend .. my mom. MY good friend is pregnant, my sister is being bullied badly...
Also the guy i've been seeing for 5 months i found out cheated on me. So tell me how am i supposed to swallow this all,
Thursday, 23 August 2012
One good thing about music is when it hits you, you feel no pain.
I've been fighting the urge to text him and tell him that I miss him. I don't want him to know anymore. I wonder if he even misses me at all. It's easiest when I don't see him, I won't deny that. But I just want to be able to see him without it hurting. I don't want him out of my life forever. I don't want him to forget me.
Nobody understands how much I miss you. I miss how much we used to talk and miss all the things we used to do. I try not to admit it to myself that I still feel this way. Nobody knows that I still wake up thinking of you each day. I still think of you and I really do miss you. I would give up everything I have to be everything we're not.
I tried so hard, you know that right? I tried harder than you could ever imagine, and now here I am, trying my best just to forget everything. Every piece of you, the way you smell, the feel of your skin. Too bad it was always so soft. I can still feel you. I always will.
“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.”
“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”
But time has changed nothing at all. You're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes and I let you go,
but you're still the only one that feels like home.
FOLLOW me on tumblr kkshayh
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
Sunday, 12 August 2012
if only you could see the bigger picture that there's things we can't control and understand that some things are a phase. people come and go out of our lives and it happens for a reason, not everything is caused by a mistake.
undeniably right. it's like the stars meet the skies when our bodies collide. reached inescapable feelings. i'm trying hard to hold back all this truth that i'm spillin
i've never been so sure and you've never been so right so tell me is it wrong that i ain't doubtin what's inside? am i just a fool for always thinking with my heart?
t might be everything I've waited for; a miracle. Oh, but even if I fall in love again with someone new, it can never be the way I loved you.
For a minute neither of us said anything. After so many years of only thinking these things, saying them out loud felt so strange, as if now they were officially real. My cold, hard heart exposed, finally, for what it truly was. Fair warning I thought. I should have told you from the start. I will let you down.
The words came on their own, no thought required. It was just process, cold and indifferent, like plugging numbers into an equation, and I could have been someone else, listening and watching this, for all I felt.
There's a kind of love that has the power to save you, to get you through life. It's like breathing. You have to do it or you'll die. And when it's over, your soul starts to bleed. There's no pain in the world like it, I swear.
You were a summer gift, one I'll always treasure. You were a dream I never wanted to wake up from. You opened my eyes to things I'll never really see.
I think the things we want most in life, the things we think will set us free, are not the things we need.
I hate when I'm into someone, I get into them way too fast and get stupid feelings.
You can't judge people by the things they done. You got to judge them by what they are doing now.
If they cheated on someone to be with you, chances are they'll cheat on you too.
One of these days maybe you'll realize that you made a mistake but by that time, it's going to be too late
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
That's why love is madness. It's too easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart..
It's not about forcing happiness. It's about not letting sadness win.
I didn't want to get close to you in fear, but you drew me in. You made me speak of things i never told anyone and then you left. The pain is unexplainable. (me)
So here's a piece of advice: let go when you're hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things aren't like before. Because, surely there is someone out there who will love you even more.
Some feelings don't go away, they just get avoided.
Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day, you feel something else. Something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment, you realize you're happy.
Sunday, 01 July 2012
I'm sick of pretending to be happy all the time,
I'm sick of having to cheer everyone up when I can barely stand getting up in the morning.
It just does not seem fair anymore.
Sometimes I find myself running from love.
I want to push anyone away who tries.. because honestly,
I'd feel horrible if anyone had to deal with the fucked up mess I am.
To be with me would be a chore. Maybe at first they wouldn't see it;
maybe they wouldn't want to. But I am nothing great.
I'm just a girl with a lot of heart, no direction, and barely any stability.
So for anyone who wants to try, I'll deny you, and deny you again.
I'm saving you a tremendous burden, trust me.
"Please, don't love me" is all you'll hear from me.
I'm better off alone. I've been so good at it, how could I stop now?
I was going to tell him the truth eventually; I just wanted to see if he was going to be with me because he wanted to, not because he had to
You asked me if I was okay. I said yes.
I don’t know which scares me the most: that you couldn’t tell I’m lying
or you didn’t care.
Why was I was quiet? I wanted so badly to tell you how I felt.
But, I just couldn't. I'm not ready to take the fall
It fucking hurt. It was like some sick joke to you. You made me fall and you walked away.
You made me open up and talk about things i never told anyone. Then you left, and thats what hurts.
How is it so easy to walk away?
i pushed you away because i knew that if you stayed, i could never turn you down.
you are the most beautiful and most terrible things that has ever happened to me,
and you will always have my heart
I thought I could do this without being attached. Just have fun and not give my heart away.
But all of a sudden, every smile, every word you said stays with me. I can't get you out of my head
Friday, 13 April 2012
Laughing while I'm crying, don't you let them know your dying,
And if pages learned to think
You're not even worth my black ink revenge
And it seems to me
That a promise isn't something you keep
And a secret never lasts
It only sees what you see
It's the taste in my mouth
It's the nauseousness
It's my stomach in knots forming cascades of gunshots
Leaving me holding a pen and this page and these words filled with rage
If this is all I have to give.
These written words exposing within.
And everyone has a secret of sin.
Then why do I feel all alone in the end.